it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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