You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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