I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
