dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
