That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
