he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
