so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
