i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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