she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
