he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
