he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
