Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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