I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
ugly people sure do ruin things
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
