is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
