I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
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