He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
