The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
