So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
