Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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