First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
