of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Randomize
