omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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