Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
