im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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