if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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