Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
