I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
