also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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