New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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