You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
