i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
