is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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