tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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