i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
