i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
