the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
