it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
