I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
