How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize