I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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