I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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