took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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