I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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