Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
