just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
