i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
