In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
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