respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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