It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
