just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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