So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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