I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
