A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
