Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
