you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
