I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Someone came in the potted fern
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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