i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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