Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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