Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
