Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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