I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
