I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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