i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
