my vag is so smooth its legendary
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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