It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize