his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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