Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
