What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
