It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
