this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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