ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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