I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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