I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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