i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
