This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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