She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
